star gazing

(or, possibly, navel gazing)

I just sat in the swing seat, enjoying a much needed moment of peace - far above me were clouds, scudding across the sky, in between them I could see small patches of night dotted with stars

in a short few weeks I'll be off on a holiday and one thing I'm looking forward to is sitting on the cliffs at night listening to the crash of the waves and looking up at the heavens in the glory that is not seen in a flood-lit city's light polluted suburb
another thing I'm looking forward to is sitting on the cliffs during the day watching the surf crash on the rocks below (I'm hopeful for some sunshine) (otherwise, I'll wear an anorak)
it's the most strange sensation - that of looking forward to something! I haven't felt it for a very long time
for so long I've just been dreading every next minute, every future hour and day - worrying if I'll cope or crack
trying not to think about it; often trying not to write about it; for fear that in thinking or writing about it, acknowledging it, "it" will all cave in and I'll crack once and for all
and yet, in the last few days, having booked this holiday at short notice (the children are off with their father for a rather long time - far longer than I'd initally realised - and I just could not face being on my own, so decided I might just be better off somewhere else), I have realised that I'm almost excited at the thought of having a change of scene: being on the coast, by the sea, the possibility of sun, the surety of sand and rock pools and ice cream from an ice cream van, the opportunity to write and send postcards (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!), read a book without interruption, do nothing without feeling guilty - no laundry, no washing up, no cooking, no shopping (apart from for the postcards!!!) (you do know I'll be sending cards, don't you?)
so rather than going because I'm scared to be alone here, I've realised that I'm looking forward to going even tho I'll be alone there
which is a strange turn of events really
in a few weeks time, if you live somewhere where you can see the stars at night - I might be looking at them too


Rimshot said...

"...if you live somewhere where you can see the stars at night - I might be looking at them too"

That's more comforting and smile inducing than you can imagine!

I'm excited for you and your upcoming holiday adventure. :-)


Dave said...

I was only thinking yesterday that perhaps I ought to have a holiday this year - but that seems quite unlikely. So no postcards from me this year ;-(

I, Like The View said...

Dave don't they sell postcards in East Angular then?

shot glad you're smiling!

Mel said...

That's a welcomed, glorious, wonderful turn of events!!! YEAH!!!!

You're goin' on holiday. AND you're looking forward to it!! :-)

(don't lemme fool ya....LOL...I'm secretly 'yippee-ing' about the postcards, too! LOL)

(ohohoh!!! AND there'll be stickers on 'em!!!! Wooohooooo!!)

Mel said...

<-- was star gazing a couple of nights ago.

<-- now about to dig out the coloured pencils and colouring book.

(for later--still workin' on the coffee.....LOL)

zIggI said...

I hope you'll pop in if you're passing!

Sorrow said...

then when next i look up and see thee stars i shall wave, and perhaps the stars shall wink at you to let you know I am out there pumping my hand..

KAZ said...

Great news.
I think the last time I really saw the stars at night was when camping in France.
Here's hoping it lives up to expectations and you return fit and well

katherine. said...

do we have night at the same time?

you will have a lovely holiday!

I've been thinking about colored pencils on altered digital photos...

Dave said...

'Here's hoping it lives up to expectations and you return fit and well'

But everyone knows you're already well fit.

As the young folk say.

Mel said... I get to ponder the time difference thingy and star gazing.

Zactly how does that work?

Z said...

The best beaches are the ones with rock pools. I hope you have a lovely time.

I, Like The View said...

four days and counting!

I'm really quite excited. . . the rock pools at low tides and high tides with the Atlantic breakers crashing on the slate cliffs are calling me

and the sand on the beach. . . that's getting in between my toes already