new tricks?

today I had an experience the result of which made me feel almost physically sick

it was a reminder that somethings never change, but one can perhaps choose to "not go there"

or can one? are there somethings - some people, to be more exact - well, one person to be really exact in my case - who are/is present in our lives/my life whether we/I choose it or not and as such have to be dealt with and upon dealing with that person/s we/I subject ourselves/myself time and time again to the same abuse
.

*heavy sigh*

.
even just writing that paragaph, and editing it to focus my attention on the relevant bit, then reading it back makes me shake my head in disbelief
.

I handled it "well", at the time - didn't loose my cool, didn't blurt out something that wouldn't be well received
.

and yet just in doing that I'm not being honest, am I?
.

for @*$#%?&!* sake I'm a 45 year-old grown-up, aren't I? shouldn't I be able and entitled to be honest? if I can't be honest, I'm not doing myself any favours, am I?
.

even writing this makes me shake again

..
how much time and energy do I want to invest in this person over and over, when it always seems to end up the same way. . .
.

perhaps even sitting here writing this is investing energy that would otherwise be well spent elsewhere
.

back to the laundry for me!
.

I hope you had a stress free day - and if you didn't, I hope you have something relaxing to look forward to this evening
.

(-:

..
(and g*d [or your favourite chosen deity] bless NOBGM for being there to listen to me when I needed a friend)