so, what's troubling me

and no, I'm not referring to "lipstick"

how quickly time passes. . . we go from this

. . .to this. . .

in a seeming instant

with almost with no warning - I mean, I was paying attention (most of the time) and now, now


now I have no clue

the only thing I can do is continue as I was (it can't have been all bad) (can it?) and keep trying to do my best and not loose it when almost everything goes horribly wrong


Mel said...

Then they've evolved into their own person and you've done your job to date. The trick is to keep reminding them of lessons taught without getting them tossed back at you at full force.
I learned to duck lower and run faster while delivering.


And this is my vocation because?
Because my G-d has a really good sense of humour? LOL

(((((((((((( ILTV ))))))))))))))

Hang in there mom.

I, Like The View said...

oh Mel, it's awful

the reason he was in hospital was because he'd been self harming - and the areas had gone septic and infected his blood

it's not about me, per se, and I'm trying not to make it about me. . .

. . .but at the same time, he's seen what I've done to myself in order to "cope" or in order not to have to "cope" (and the state I get into when I'm not oping) and I realise that I've never helped him develop coping skills for when things get stressful (or worse)

I thought I had - but I obviously haven't, or hadn't

I thought we had a reasonable relationship, but quite obviously we didn't

there are things he wasn't able to share with me, or - presumably - his friends

and finally, after weeks and weeks of waiting (and the NHS saying his case "wasn't acute enough" for someone to take it up, given their limited resoures) I managed to get him an apointment to see someone and knowing that he's there (hopefully talking or listening, or at least not calling anyone a "moron") (which is what he called the psychiatrist when he was in hospital) it reminded me of all the hours I spent trawling thru my life trying to make sense of it

and I just fear that he'll end up hating me


so, right here and now (and only here and now) it is a little bit about me

and it feels g*dammed awful, I can tell you


Rimshot said...


They're a resilient lot those young'uns, with a wonderful capacity to bounce back and turn things around. And they don't seem to dwell on it too much either after the fact. So I think you're in no danger of being hated for anything.

You're there, you do your best and that's all there is to it! The rest is just conjecture.

Love, Hugs and always! :)

Anonymous G said...

I don't have the proper words for you. so...

((((ILTV's loved one))))

to infinity.

Mel said...

(((((((( ILTV ))))))))

*sigh* It's hard not to wear every inch of it and not claim it to be all about me.
I know.
I'm glad the kiddo is finding a place to go where he can say what's true for him. I didn't get to be that place for the boy--that was a hard pill to swallow. But it was about what he needed, not about me. (still......tough to suddenly find myself to not be what I always fancied a 'good mom' to be for their child and it's taken me time to get 'okay' with ME over that--I don't get to be "the be all and know all" for anyone, their "everything", especially my own child.)

My saving grace was having my own place to go--to dump it all, to say what was true for be reminded that my worth and value wasn't up for grabs because of the child's growth curve being where it was....

I discovered none of us are perfect teachers....and there comes a time when the world becomes the primary teacher and my job is to just love 'em anyway, through it all......even when (and especially when) they scream at me that they hate me.
And I got reminded that the child was still watching.
As is yours, I'm sure.

You can hit a speedbump in life and veer out of control....but you keep both hands on the wheel and inch by inch you work it until you get it back.
Teach him that today.
He's still watching.

(((((((((((((( ILTV )))))))))))))))

And know you have people who are FOR you......and for your kiddo.
Cuz we are, yaknow.

I, Like The View said...

thank you Mel, than you so much

G lovely hugs. . .

shot thanks hon