these be the verses on parenthood that eclipse

the experience, for me from the dawns to dusks of my current life and many moments inbetween

KAHIL GIBRAN: The Prophet
.
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

*


PHILIP LARKIN: This Be The Verse
.
They f*ck you up your mum and dad
They may not mean it but they do
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you

But they were f*cked up in their turn
By fools in old style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands misery onto man
It deepens like a coastal shelf:
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself


*

ok, so they don't eat my upside-down pineapple cake; ok, so they prefer their father's mashed potato to mine; ok, so one of them only likes bananas and one of them doesn't like red meat and one of them won't have pasta on the same plate as garlic bread; ok, so none of them make their beds or tidy their rooms; ok, so they fight and bicker and argue and and and; ok, so I remember once saying to my mother, when she told me that I had to eat up all the food on my plate because didn't I know how lucky I was to have food on my plate because there were "starving children in Africa", "can't you send it to them in a box?", because the plate had been brought out of the fridge where it had spent the last five hours because I hadn't eaten the food on it at the last meal and still didn't want to, and I only ever said that the once because I learnt the consequences of answering back and sometimes I think it's a shame mine haven't (ok, so most of the time I'm glad I brought them up to answer back and speak their minds and have confidence in their own beliefs); ok ok ok ok
.
I get it! (which only makes me wonder why my parents didn't)
.
and this one, isn't about being a parent (as far as I know) but sums a small but significant part of it up, for the moment, for me

ee cummings: i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars
apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

11 comments:

Mel said...

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

Ah but...

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars
apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


Yup.
I get it.

I, Like The View said...

(-:

Spadoman said...

Wow, I could go on forever talking about my children and Grand children. I remember some trying times with my own kids. Just this morning, (it's morning here in the states), I sat down with Derek, my Grandson, and we wrote reasons why he needn't get his hair cut. (his Mom wants him to get it cut). Derek is 9.
I'm sure my daughter will be a bit irritated that I got involved with lobbying for Derek NOT to cut his hair.
She should read this post!
Random thoughts abound now.

Peace.

zIggI said...

Someone said to me stop striving to be a perfect parent a good enough one is better than most.

I can't answer for whether good enough was good enough!

Christopher said...

I spent a lot of time today thinking about this and trying not very successfully to match it from experience with my own kids, which seems so long ago now that I might have forgotten some of the problems. (Their mother is no longer with us.) But in retrospect it seems to have been a mostly very happy time, tho' occasionally one or other comes out with toe-curling reminiscences of flawed parenting and mindless deprivation that I feel ashamed of now and which my mind has somehow drawn a thick curtain over.

dinahmow said...

I suggested,quite earnestly, that we should send my unwanted pumpkin to the starving children in Korea. Got my ear clipped for being cheeky!

I would probably have been a poor mother.

Mel said...

Ohhhh..poor unloved wanna be jack-o-lanterns.....

Maybe dinahmow should carve 'em and start a trendy thing! :-)

<-- thinks that's an awesome idea!

dinahmow said...

jax...off-topic now, but I think you'll like this
http://www.happydragonspress.co.uk

and note to Mel -that pumpkin was boiled to mush!

Dave said...

Morning. I nearly contacted you ysterday to ask you to bring pineapple upside down cake to Trafalgar Square, where I found myself on a whim.

I know you don't like going round art galleries though.

mig said...

*the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth*.
Love it. Watching their flight through life can be very revealing about the bow (Though occasionally astonishing - especially if you are the bow :)
At least one of mine still doesn't make his bed or tidy his rooms, but that's ok. I don't always do that myself :)

Mel said...

Boiled to mush?

Oh.

:-(

AFTER he was a jack-o-lantern, of course.....right?

OH. :-(