all it takes

"All it takes is for a single fearful, angry person to shift their perception about a situation or a person, and then make a better choice about their own behaviour."

Dear - for you are dear - reader,

My heart is heavy; so heavy. So heavy; I do not wish to stop for a moment unless I am weighed down and thence unable to move again. Not that I am moving very far at the moment. Mostly round and round, in a circle. Sometimes down and down, in a spiral. Often in and further in, in a concentric ellipse (if there is such a thing).

It is as if I knitted a beautiful garment out of a marvellous yarn, a yarn unusual and much desired. A wonderful garment that offered comfort and joy: it was warm in the cold months, cool in those that were hot; it could be folded and used as a pillow for a tired head, could be flung casually over shoulders - like a loose embrace - and almost forgotten about until it was needed again, present but not intrusive. Almost the perfect item, if there is such a thing.

Having given the garment as a gift, it was well worn for a while: then the person who wore it outgrew it - not a situation I had foreseen. So, in good faith, I took it back and unpicked it, row by row, stitch by stitch; carefully I rewound that stunning yarn into a fresh ball and put it to one side. Yet, as the yarn was so desired, I reknitted it - stitch by stitch and row by row into another garment. A simpler one. I gave it back.

It transpires that a blade has been taken to the garment. The delicate fabric I had created, which I thought quite robust, lies in pieces. I didn't realise for a while that this was the case, however eventually I glimpsed some shreds of broken yarn. Perhaps I ought not to have looked. Perhaps I ought not to have given the gift. Perhaps. I feel many things, but there is nothing I can say. Nothing I can do. Apart from be patient and wait to find out what will happen now.

I don't want to sadden you, dear reader; I understand that life is not simple, not always full of pleasures, sometimes we receive what we deserve and sometimes we do not. I am waiting whilst still moving slowly. Patiently. Trying not to be too heavy.

Yours - as ever - I,LTV

13 comments:

Christopher said...

I'm not persuaded that the person for whom the garment was intended actually deserved it. It's sometimes useful to keep a Nessus' shirt or two in the present drawer. But I think you're too kindly a person to think of knitting such a thing.

Dave said...

You're not heavy. You're my sister.

donn said...

Most people do not truly understand the full extent of our blood, sweat, fears & tears...
a handful perhaps...
but your part was in the act of giving...
their part is what they do with it.

Sometimes the Karmic Boomerang takes far longer than we'd like and we cannot receive our joy..
I hate that!

Zig said...

:(
oh honey, I wish I could give you a hug
x x x x

Vicus Scurra said...

love and peace

Rimshot said...

a tardis, a tardis, my kingdom for a tardis

dinahmow said...

I'm too far away to sit and have that coffee with you!
But, for what it may be worth, these words are a huge help in my life right now.
Thank you,ILTV

Mel said...

Sometimes garments are outgrown--and try as we might to give a new one, made from the same love...it is rebuked. Sometimes openly, sometimes quietly without our knowing until we notice the frays scattered in bits and pieces. It's a hard thing. We consider taking the garment back until there's a desire to wear it as it was intended by the giver. But I know and you know--the garment was given freely, made with love driven by a kindly and loving heart.

We give it freely.
Were that it was handled and worn in the love it was fashioned with.......we don't get to decide that. We get to give as we desire to give--and with HOPE it's seen for the gift it is and worn and treasured. With HOPE.

Hang on to that hope. And know that I hang on to it as well. For you--for the recipient. For all hearts that are hurting and loving......

((((((( ILTV )))))))))

We all know it's 'okay' to be sad, to have a heavy heart. I hope you know this as well.
And remember you're loved bunches and lotsa and oodles.
Cuz ya are.

((((((( ILTV ))))))))

Sorrow said...

Blows gentle
with love
to lift you
upon the wind...Because I care
(((((((((((J)))))))))))))

Mel said...

((((((((( ILTV )))))))))

Back for another hug. And to let you know I'm thinking about you and yours.
And sending warmth.

I, Like The View said...

Mel thank you, dearheart

Sorrow I care for you too, and hope you'll stay in touch

Mel it's taken a lot of learning to understand that it's ok to be sad, have a heavy heart - to "know" this

and I thank you for your part in my learning

dinah credit where it's due: the words are from Mel's place - she has wise and wonderful ones every day which help hugely with life

(-:

I'm having my coffee this afternoon in your virtual company!

shot I'll just call you Dr

Vicus thank you - I'll kepp the love and pass the peace on to the one who needs it most

Zig the words we shared recently were a big help

XXX

donn I understand what you are saying - but it doesn't stop me worrying!! here's to the cosmic karmic boomerang!!!!

Dave now you have me humming tunes by The Brotherhood of Man. . . yikes!!

Christopher I had never heard of such a shirt - despite loving the myths. . . when looking it up, I found this:

"In section IV of T.S. Eliot's poem "Little Gidding," he alludes to the Nessus myth and the Herculean "shirt of flame" in his lines:

Who then devised the torment? Love.
Love is the unfamiliar Name
Behind the hands that wove
The intolerable shirt of flame
Which human power cannot remove.
We only live, only suspire
Consumed by either fire or fire.


and love is, indeed, the source of my current torment

Christopher said...

That's exactly it, Jax - Eliot rarely gets it wrong. There's nothing that tests your resources more, nothing that devours you so completely, nothing that turns others' honest concern to mere banalities so quickly. Sorry.

I, Like The View said...

Christopher that is so true. . . but, please, no need to be sorry

and I'd never catagorize a comment as banal - if someone's taken the time to visit and read and think and reply (or even, sometimes, reply without thinking!) then I'm just so chuffed

so very chuffed

you people light up my days - and for that I thank you

(ok, ok, that's enough. Ed)